Can't Seem To Die

Time flows
But this wound still surprises me
I stomped hard on that dying ember somewhere within
Thickened the layers of frost around my heart
Hoping to numb whatever it is that im feeling
Couldn't say what i truly feel
Instead i say what i thought was right
Hearing your voice made me truly realized i haven't stopped missing you
Even while asking God to remove this pain I cried at the thought that
It could mean letting go of how much you meant to me
How could i think like this?
Am i stupid?
To hold onto what is left of your traces even if it is pain
I really, really didn't know i have the capacity to love someone like this
Even when our future is a black hole
I should've given up already
And it's not like i did'nt try
I lived each day, i charged forward, i danced, i sing, i laughed, i have fun
For i couldn't even dare to hope and ask God for another chance
Yet that tiny stubborn little spark, even though buried over and over again under the dirt,
Can't seem to die.

Soul Band Aid #11

Soul Band Aid #10

Soul Band Aid #9

Those Feelings

Soul Band Aid #8

...But Not You.

Dear, even the weather can be predicted, but not you

In your cold manner i found discomfort, but i've learnt

To accept that long ago as an inevitable portion of human attitude

Your anger has good reasons and flaws, like many others

But i love you, you and your moodswings

Because i've seen the tender person you are inside

My motivator, my happy memories, one of the reasons i feel so right

And when you sing, your voice radiates warmth, except when it's rock ;p

Then when you're dazed, you're just so clueless it made me love you more

Dear, even the answer to the simplest question i can forget

But not you.

Fall Forward - Denzel Washington

It is uplifting, inspiring and motivating to see those that go through so much yet still have the strength and courage to face the world each day. It is a blessing from The Almighty. True strength is when you collapse many times but still manage to stand again and fight. No matter how weak and depressed and down you feel, somehow, sooner or later, you will stand again, in your own time. God is always watching. Pray to Him for the strength, for without Him we don't have anything and we have no power to do anything. And there's this inspirational speech from Denzel Washington that goes:

"Fall Forward. Sometimes, it's the best way to figure out where you're going. Never be discouraged, never hold back, give everything you got..and when you fall throughout life, remember this..fall forward." - Denzel Washington

Isn't it nice? Of course, for an ordinary person like me it's hard to never get discouraged, never hold back and such. For i have my own limits and fears. But when i tried and tried and kept on trying no matter how hopeless something is, and it still didn't work out in the end, i know i didn't lose. And i won't have to wonder 'what ifs' for the rest of my life. As God open others' eyes to see what was in front of them, mine was opened too. Had i stayed blind, there would probably be bigger misery and regret later on in my life. I realized that probably the things that i used to have were less that what i was willing to give, and maybe i was taught a lesson and something better is coming. Just need to flush the toxins out first in order to fall forward and not be dragged back. Only sometimes as you flush, there are backflows or something like that hehe so it's not that easy. But still...we are moving so good enough right?

Well just want to lay these words here..because these words were words of someone that were hopeful, touched by humility and was thinking sincere thoughts about the Almighty. It is kind of a waste to not share, who knows what kind of hope and positive vibe this could give to others out there who needs it?

My Pretty Scrapbook

I have a special pretty scrapbook of memories that i wish i could keep forever. The contents were put together with lots and lots and lots of love..and pain. In it, someone once wrote...

It is a pity that some pieces of the scrapbook had to go..they were precious especially the pretty ones.  They were all precious efforts. Even the notes that were full of sadness. But sadly.. it's become unbearable. I burned the pieces that once held promises & caring words but are now just meaningless. Still painful though because they are the reminder of what were temporary illusions. That scrapbook means so much to me but would just cause embarrassment if people just happen to look inside if it stayed as it were before. 

I think probably i had to burn some more..maybe just keep the less painful ones. It's really such a shame to have to tend to my own feelings like that.. i would keep it all if i can.. But i just couldn't. 

Soul Band Aid #7

Thorny Thoughts #9

Soul Band Aid #6

Soul Band Aid #5

Soul Band Aid #4

Soul Band Aid #3

Soul Band Aid #2

Soul Band Aid #1

Thorny Thoughts #8

Thorny Thoughts #7

Thorny Thoughts #6

Thorny Thoughts #5

Thorny Thoughts #4

Thorny Thoughts #3

Thorny Thoughts #2

Thorny Thoughts #1

3am Thoughts

The original photo is from a Facebook page called 3am Thoughts (personal blog : click the link to go to the page). I really like it because many thoughts it shared were the feelings many people experienced but couldn't say out loud, or can't find the right words to express them. Sometimes we can't even understand what we felt until somebody put them into words that make us go, oh..so that's what i felt. And it's nice that it help us understand ourselves a little bit more. It's important to understand, because then it will be easier to know where to change or what to do for the better.

Scribbles under the stars

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Have you cried while feeling so broken and alone, so lost that you felt like you are going insane, that to stop that crushing pain you really just had to hold your own hands tightly the way two persons would, hoping for the little comfort that you so desperately needed..because that comfort, is now a stranger.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Have you ever had to literally cover your ears, to stop hearing the conversation you wish you didn't had, or the things you wish you didn't hear, replaying again and again in your mind?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you know when you truly genuinely wish for someone to have the best things in life, but your heart just proceeded to override your brain, eventually vandalizing your words and actions.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Then you scolded yourself over and over for the stupid things you did or said, promising yourself you'll be better, then end up losing the battle to your heart in split second? Ambushed by your own self without even had the chance to think twice. Shame on you, brain.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you know what it feels like to miss someone terribly, but couldn't even text properly or have a decent call anymore, because life. Life happens.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you understand how it feels to have to convince yourself that something better is coming to you..

...over and over again? Each day?

After losing what feels like the best?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you know how hard it is to go through routine without the most likable parts of it in it? 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

And through those times when the pain suddenly hits, your heart beats wildly and you just want to collapse somewhere to recover, but cant.

Because you are somewhere you don't really want to be doing something you don't really feel like doing, around other people who are oblivious to your struggles.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you know how hard it is wishing and praying for someone's happiness while knowing that you are not a part of it anymore?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The weight of emotions can be really crippling. Many people will agree. After all, we are just human.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Driving Me Crazy...

Have you ever missed someone so much that tears fall and sleep evades you,

but you couldn't tell them...? 

Because there is nothing between you anymore...

Are you listening to my heart?
Are you looking at my tears?

Only one in the world, just one
I need it to be you

Why do you keep running away from me?

Why do you keep getting far from me?
Stay by my side, hold my hand
If you love me

You drive me crazy
You make me cry
You’re close as if I can catch you but when I do,
you get far away like the wind

Love is what I do alone
Love only leaves tears
A crappy, foolish love

Can I hug you just once?
Can I say my last goodbye?
Don’t forget the loving memories,
the happy memories

Some day, when we meet again
Let’s not say goodbye

Words that my heart say, I love you
Words that my tears say, I’m sorry
No matter how much I pick them up and put them in,
words spill out

Love is what I do alone
Love only leaves tears
A crappy, foolish love