Why Do You Still Keep Her Picture?

You said she's just a stranger

And she said the same

But she sent you a picture

Her looking so pretty

You said you and her could probably be together

If there is no me

Imagine how i feel hearing about that

Knowing love is fading in your heart

You're so suffocated

A caged bird for so long

Longing to be free

A desire so strong

She's someone who's passing by

While you're stuck at a junction

Greetings turned into conversations

Then you're listening to her heart

Soon she's into you

What am i to do?

I can't blame love

When love is blind

When you and her parted ways

Why do you still keep her picture?

She was such a stranger

But of course, she's pretty and probably much nicer

If things really end

Then i really don't understand

Why do you still keep her picture

Even when i point it out to you

It's still in your phone

Do you like to be reminded of her?

Maybe that's why you still keep her picture

And never ask for mine anymore.

If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 1 (Warning! Mushy)

Here is the story that I promised you after The Wood and Dance Of Silence. Warning: Might not be suitable for those who despise mushy ♥♥♥ stories and have weak stomach. Be forewarned! Muahahahaha!~

******************************************

   Jeremy stopped walking when he saw the same girl again peering at him from behind the tree. He was puzzled. That girl couldn't possibly had wanted to talk to him, right? He didn't recognized her, but all morning she had been following him and had never once try to talk to him. She had disappeared when Jeremy turned to look but he could still see part of her skirt sticking out from one side of the tree. 'What does she want?' Although he was curious, Jeremy decided he would give her one last chance to introduce herself. She knew that he knew that she was there.

   So he continued walking. His destination was the music store situated next to his favorite fastfood joint, JoyLife.

   After a few minutes walking, Jeremy heard the rustle of leaves and turned in time to catch a glimpse of brunette hair. The girl had ducked behind a tree again this time. He was beginning to get angry. That girl couldn't be following anybody else, he was the only person walking along the road then. So he marched right up to the tree and demanded, "Why are you following me?"

   There was no answer. But Jeremy knew she was still there because of her black skirt. It stuck out prominently. "Well, aren't you going to answer me? I've noticed you since this morning, like a squirrel going from tree to tree. Haven't you learned your manners, spying on people like that?"

   At last, the girl stepped out from her hiding place. She was quite pretty, with almost gothic-like black-rimmed eyes. She looked guilty, and blurted out, "I'm so sorry, Jeremy.", before he could say anymore. Jeremy frowned.

"How did you know my name?"

   The girl didn't answer, she just looked down nervously. "Who are you? Aw, come on. I won't bite," Jeremy said impatiently. It was 7.30 and he was supposed to be home already.

"Okay, I'm tired of waiting for your explanation. I'm going."

   Having said that, he sauntered off, leaving the girl alone. In his haste to get away, Jeremy tripped over his own shoelace. "Ow! Damn." The girl, who was speechless when Jeremy left her, could not contain her laughter. She stopped when Jeremy glared at her. Smiling, she went over and held out her hand to help him get up, but already he was, brushing away the dirt on his jeans. "You saw me fell, and you had a good laugh about it. Now at least you should tell me your name, shouldn't you?" He took the opportunity to question the girl now walking beside him.

"My name is Mandy. And...I am going to live with you."

"What?!"

   Jeremy turned to face Mandy. "Are you my long lost cousin?" With such innocence in her big round eyes, Mandy answered. "No..."

"My sister, although unknown to me?"

"Nope."

"Did you know me from school?"

"Err...actually, yes..."

    "Then why don't I remember you? Let me see..." They started walking again, Jeremy trying his hardest to recall. "Mandy...Mandy...are you, though you look quite different...are you, by any chance..."

   "Yes?" Mandy said hopefully.

"Mandy Moore?"

   She seemed to crumble from disappointment. "No, that is the name of a singer and actress!" Jeremy grinned sheepishly. "Oh, yes, right." Mandy urged him, "Try again, Jeremy. You must remember me. We bumped against each other so often during high school!"

   Jeremy tried again, but he still couldn't remember. He smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, I really can't recall. The only person I remember whom I often bumped into was...it was Lily..."

   Mandy sensed Jeremy's tender voice and when she looked, his face had soften and for a moment, he seemed lost in a faraway thought. She suddenly realized that Jeremy probably never noticed her at all. 'Who are you kidding, Mandy? Just who do you think you were?' She thought sadly. But still...

"I'm still going to live with you, Jeremy. No matter what."

    "What? Oh..." Jeremy had momentarily forgotten about it. Then like a rock hitting him on the head, the meaning of it sunk into his comprehension. He whirled around. "No! I mean, why do you want to live with me? I don't even remember you. This whole idea is absolutely crazy!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yeah, it is! Are you pulling my leg or what? You might as well pull my butt too!"

"Jeremy, I don't have other place to go! I promise, there wouldn't be any trouble."

"My parent are gonna find out! Where are your parents, anyway?"

   The moment Jeremy said it, he knew he had made a mistake. That might be the cause of Mandy's problem. Maybe they were gone, and Mandy didn't have anybody else to turn to. But hadn't she got her friends? Or relatives? Tears had welled up in her eyes. She strode ahead of him and their walk continued in silence.

 - To be continued -

Continued in If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 2
 

Battle With Betrayal

 The pain of betrayal

Grips like hellfire

Endless tears in your heart

Silent words nobody hears

The darkness of night pulls you down

And alone you drown

The sun saves you each day

But forever it can never stay

Deep inside you could hear a sound

A faint cry for help

But no one is around

And lies come after lies

All you've seen and believe in

Illusions made for you

They shatters, and your little world crumbles

Truth does make you stronger

But it also makes you colder

Why wouldn't it be

When you lost something you protected with such ferocity

Something you thought would never leave you

Even when the whole world walks out on you

You kneel in desperation

Grasping blindly for fragments of truth

Piercing your numb fingers mercilessly

You look up at the sky

Hoping to see the sun

Just to realize that the storm is coming

In defeat you lay on the ground

Washed in sorrow

Helplessly uttering no sound

No sound at all.

When Sleep Eludes...

░  The room is silent -

-  The air is still  ░

░  The inner soul is shredded  -

-  With a darkening cloud  ░

░  Energy runs low  -

-  And chest feels tight  ░

░  There's a feeling of doom  -

-  Doesn't know why or what  ░

░  Hopes hide, fear emerges  -

-  What will happen, what does one deserves  ░

 ░ Hands come together in prayers  -

-  Willing the black fog to leave  ░

░  Wanting to see a brightly lit path  -

-  Or even someone waiting  ░

░  But no matter how hard you think  -

-  There's no way out  ░

  ░  All that's left to do  -

-  Is how your head  ░

░  Recall your flaws, wishing not to be dead.  -

*Pagi ni jeles ngan aku, tak nak bagi aku tido. Daripada aku terkebil-kebil macam orang sakit jiwa tunggu tido datang, so baiklah aku terhegeh-hegeh di sini sekejap menghabiskan tenaga yang ada supaya boleh mengumpan tido balik. Anyway tetamu-tetamu sekalian, apa macam lepak kat taman aku yang tak seberapa ni? Kalau best, terimalah kasih tapi kalau tak best salahkan tukang kebun! Haha. Harap korang semua enjoy, kalau enjoy bolehlah menderma, donation box ada di mana-mana ye. Masjid, kedai, McD, depan bank...hehehehe. Oklah, nak gi cari tido balik, main hide and run pulak masa ni. Sebelum tu, tukang kebun aku saja nak pesan kat korang, Be careful of what you choose to do in life. Think more. (Sila baca dengan sound effect yang misteri dari alam mimpi) Apebende lagi, tukang kebun? Oh, tu je. Tukang kebun aku memang suka buat ayat cambest. Tu pasal la kebun aku tak terjaga. Hahahaa...tp kalau suka taman aku ni, sekali lagi time kaseyyyy! Betul cakap tukang kebun tu, ayat tu nampak je simple tapi penting. Hargailah hidup anda. Satu tindakan mampu menghancurkan hidup sekelip mata dan selama-lamanya, walaubagaimanapun walau apa pun (panjangnya huahua) yang terjadi harungilah dengan segenap kekuatan kerana hanya Tuhan yang tahu segala-galanya yang akan terjadi. Walau jatuh tersungkur ke dalam kerak bumi sekalipun pastikan cari balik semangat anda tak kira lah berapa lama nak dapatkan balik. There is always something in this life for everyone. Oklah, walaupun dh nak kul 10 pagi tapi nenek aku paksa aku tido balik ni. Katanya selagi tak pukul 3 petang selagi tu la jangan bangun!!! Haha jual nama nenek lak, just kidding..... (Merangkak balik lam selimut ala siput)

Effects of Love

    A tug at the corner of the beating heart   

    A rise of adrenaline    

    A surge of endorphine   

    Life felt better   

    Ordinary flowers look prettier   

    A smile for the enemy   

    Even a helping hand, maybe?   

    A little skip in every step   

    Ready to take on any crap   

    Savoring the buoyant feeling   

    Wondering about the ending   

    Then think, while all this lasts   

Just for a moment, I could let go of the past

And live for the present, aiming for the future

For all the pain and hurt I bear,

I've finally found my cure...

Kasih sayang mampu menghasilkan suatu kehebatan yang tidak dijangka dalam diri kita, tapi juga mampu membuat kita bertindak dalam super kebodohan. Yang sakitnya, masing-masing saling menyayangi tetapi aku tidak mampu menunjukkan dan membuat kamu percaya yang hati ini menganggap kamu lah yang terbaik. Dan mungkin itulah juga yang kamu kesalkan dalam hubungan kamu dengannya. Aku memandang kamu dan kamu masih memandang kepadanya. Aku membiarkan kerana aku faham, dalam masa yang sama aku memaki diri kerana kelemahan yang aku miliki menjadikan aku tidak mampu membuat kamu percaya pada apa yang ada dalam diri aku untuk kamu.

 - Why can't you understand that you are worthy of me? -

- Instead, I might be the one unworthy of you. -

The Confession...After The Confession.

Right there beside the window, at my desk I sat

Right there beside the wall, I lie down on my bed

Right there along the sidewalk, I walk with my friends

And there were times thoughts swirl in my mind

Falling down ceaselessly like drops of heavy rain. 
    
     Blinking in the darkness, trying to find a way
     Guilt written in my shadow
     Extending my hands, I reach for truth in the lights
     Why didn't it come to me eternities before?

            Looking at the hopeless reflections in my eyes

            Looking for the signs of forgiveness

            Looking at the specks of anger

            Looking for a flicker of forgiveness

            Looking at that set mouth

            Looking for the smile of forgiveness.

In your eyes, I am a fleck of snow

There are still thousands like me

I am cold, I have no feelings, I am hollow

You can brush me off when I land on your shoulder

You can step on me without caring if I'm hurt

And then I'll melt away into nothing, like winter.

     What's in your heart, I wonder?

     Where is your courage, I wonder?

     What do you think of me, I wonder?

     What are their perceptions of me, I wonder?

     Do you think I'm a fool, I wonder?

     Do I appeared to be a fool, I wonder?

     Did you have a good time, I wonder?

     Where is the respect that I deserve, I wonder.

             Stop giving me hints, I'm not dumb

             What are you thinking, lead me to the truth

             And hoping I'll solve the puzzle, put an end to the matter

             And relieve you of your responsibilities?

             Don't try to make me a puppet under your thumb

             I said stop giving hints, I don't yearn for you and I'm not dumb!

You shouldn't have bothered in the first place

Then I wouldn't have to worry about your feelings

I wouldn't wonder if there's something wrong that I did

I wouldn't feel guilty of the way you're being treated

Did you know how these things plagued my mind

All the unnecessary time and energy it claimed

Do you know how much you could've spare me if you confessed

When I've got so much more to think about other than the
feelings of someone who doesn't care?

          You know, it's not that I like you so much that it hurts so bad

          Come on, the fool that I may be, I'm not that stupid to give all of my heart so easily

          But because of the trust you betrayed

          I had held the faith that if things go wrong we'll put it right the way we should

          I had held the faith that you will be honest with me

          I had held the faith that you are different

          That whatever decision made it's a matter of two person

          Not a person... and a fleck of snow.

We don't die because there's no love, we die because there's no hope. I had hoped that you could at least be honest, like a friend should be. I would have been perfectly fine with that, if only you had told me.