Can't Seem To Die

Time flows
But this wound still surprises me
I stomped hard on that dying ember somewhere within
Thickened the layers of frost around my heart
Hoping to numb whatever it is that im feeling
Couldn't say what i truly feel
Instead i say what i thought was right
Hearing your voice made me truly realized i haven't stopped missing you
Even while asking God to remove this pain I cried at the thought that
It could mean letting go of how much you meant to me
How could i think like this?
Am i stupid?
To hold onto what is left of your traces even if it is pain
I really, really didn't know i have the capacity to love someone like this
Even when our future is a black hole
I should've given up already
And it's not like i did'nt try
I lived each day, i charged forward, i danced, i sing, i laughed, i have fun
For i couldn't even dare to hope and ask God for another chance
Yet that tiny stubborn little spark, even though buried over and over again under the dirt,
Can't seem to die.

Those Feelings

Soul Band Aid #8

...But Not You.

Dear, even the weather can be predicted, but not you

In your cold manner i found discomfort, but i've learnt

To accept that long ago as an inevitable portion of human attitude

Your anger has good reasons and flaws, like many others

But i love you, you and your moodswings

Because i've seen the tender person you are inside

My motivator, my happy memories, one of the reasons i feel so right

And when you sing, your voice radiates warmth, except when it's rock ;p

Then when you're dazed, you're just so clueless it made me love you more

Dear, even the answer to the simplest question i can forget

But not you.

3am Thoughts

The original photo is from a Facebook page called 3am Thoughts (personal blog : click the link to go to the page). I really like it because many thoughts it shared were the feelings many people experienced but couldn't say out loud, or can't find the right words to express them. Sometimes we can't even understand what we felt until somebody put them into words that make us go, oh..so that's what i felt. And it's nice that it help us understand ourselves a little bit more. It's important to understand, because then it will be easier to know where to change or what to do for the better.

If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 6 (FINAL)

Continued from If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 1, Story Pt. 2, Story Pt. 3, Story Pt. 4 and Story Pt. 5

"Mandy!"

   Jeremy finally reached his room, panting for air. He saw Mandy sitting on the window sill, looking out at the night sky. When she turned, her face seemed paler, washed by the moonlight. "Don't turn the lights on, Jeremy," she said softly when his hand reached for the switch. He slumped on his bed, facing her, couldn't utter even a word.

"Now you know."

   Her voice came out as a half-whisper. Even though the room was a bit dark, Jeremy could see the light outside, reflected in her expression. Her tears. She spoke again. "I am not real, Jeremy. No one can see me except you." Jeremy did not seem surprised at this. He just looked at his feet. "All this time, I acted as if people can see me, when the truth is, I can walk around your house wherever and whenever I want to. I told you I'm good at hiding, didn't I? Well, that's true, in a way. You never asked me how I got up on that tree although almost everyday I watched you during your classes. You didn't insist on knowing the answers, why I came to your house, where I got my food, where's my parents...you probably think that you didn't have the heart to ask me, but actually, it's part of the charm put on you by my existence. Because...if you ask too much, I wouldn't be able to stay with you. How am I supposed to answer those questions, right? You would be too curious to just accept it. I can't...tell you that I'm...dead." Saying the word 'dead' seemed to be really painful for her. It is, for Jeremy. He somehow felt guilty. He didn't do anything to ease her sufferings. His memory traveled back to the day when a man stared at him when he was outside the music store, talking to Mandy. He had thought that it was because of his torn jeans, but now he understood. It was because he was talking to no one. The man couldn't see Mandy. She's a ghost. That's why the librarian shushed him, and him only. She couldn't see nor hear Mandy either.

"I guess it's time to say goodbye."

   When he heard that, Jeremy sat up straight and said, "No." Mandy just looked tiredly at him. He fumbled for the right words to say. "Mandy, you...you can stay, as long as you like. I...don't mind. Really. I'm not...I'm not afraid of you."

"Jeremy, I'm dead! I should be gone by now. I should be grateful to have had my wish fulfilled..."

"Your wish?"

   Jeremy didn't quite understand. But Mandy just said, "I want you to know that I cherish your presence in my life, even if we've never even talked before."

"I'm the one who's supposed to say that, Mandy."

   Mandy laughed bitterly. She held up her hand. "See this bracelet? It was given to me to keep me here. It gave me physical form and enabled you to see me..."

"...but it is no longer of use."

   She raised her hand higher. "Jeremy, always stay strong and fight for what you believe in. But if the right thing to do is to let go, never regret your decision. Believe me, I know." Jeremy just looked straight at her. He somehow knew what was coming, but he stayed frozen on his bed, his mind blank. Mandy smiled. Such sadness in her smile that to Jeremy, it was not a smile at all.

"Goodbye, Jeremy."

    Then, she smashed her wrist against the window sill.

-------------------------------------

   Jeremy jumped in shock, at both the act and the loud sound of it. When he blinked, there was no Mandy standing there anymore. Something glinted under the moonlight that streamed in through the window and caught his eyes: Mandy's broken bracelet. Even as he watched, it slowly fades from his sight.

   Jeremy let himself fell backwards on the bed and closed his eyes. He didn't bother to move, and stayed that way until morning came.

--------------------------------------

   Jeremy woke up to the name of him being called. He sat up in a flash. "Mandy?"

   His mother yelled again. "Jeremy, breakfast's ready! Come down and eat." Heaving a sigh, Jeremy plonked back down on his bed. He remembered the bag Lily gave him. Ignoring his mother's call, Jeremy emptied everything from the bag onto the bed. There's a picture album, a book, Amanda's class ring, a pendant and a present box, apart from her framed photo. He opened the photo album first. They contained photos of Mandy, but when he turned over the next few pages, he was surprised to discover photos of him too. A lot of Mandy's photos were taken with him in the background. There were also his class pictures and a few from those football matches he participated in.

   Next was the book. It had maroon cloth covering and on the front cover, Mandy had written 'All About Amanda Maxson and Jeremy Dicken'. It was diary, in which Mandy had written only about her and Jeremy. She wrote that she went to all his matches, her feelings towards him and her shy intention of giving him her class ring as a sign of her deep affection. She put a small photo of him along with hers in her locket, which she wore all the time. She expressed her hope that one day, she would be brave enough to confess to him. But that hope was shattered when she found out about her medical condition.

   Jeremy took the oval-shaped pendant and opened it. Inside were his photo on the right half and Mandy's on the left. He stared at it for a moment before continuing his reading.

   On one page, Mandy mentioned about her '7 Wishes'.

♥   I hope that Jeremy is always happy.

♥   I want to share his joy, but more importantly, his sadness.

♥   Master cooking all his favorite food!

♥   I wish he would know how much I like love him.

♥   Want to be with him, even only for a short time.

♥   Maybe I want to be his wife! =)

♥   If only, if only, if only it's possible, I wish I could spend the rest of my life with him, only him!

     Jeremy was overwhelmed.  Mandy's 7 wishes was written simply and maybe a bit childish, but all seven concerning him. Of all seven, only a few were fulfilled. He couldn't be high-spirited all the time, but Mandy did make him happy being with her, although he did got mad several times. And Jeremy knew that she had gotten her number four and five wishes.

   His mother knocked and opened the door. "Jeremy, your breakfast's getting cold!" She caught sight of Mandy's things. "What's that?" Quickly Jeremy put both his arms protectively over them.

"Nothing, just my stuff. Can you leave my breakfast in the microwave? I'll heat it up later."

   Seeing his mother all dressed up, Jeremy asked, "Are you going out?"

"Yes, dear. We're invited to lunch with a friend of your father. Remember Uncle Peter? You'll be fine by yourself, right?"

"Yeah, don't worry. Have a blast."

"Thanks, honey."

   After his mother closed the door, Jeremy returned his attention to Mandy's diary. The rest of her entries all depicted her sick days, but she never mentioned it directly. Jeremy read on until he reached the second last page. Mandy wrote about the present she intended to give anonymously to Jeremy on his next birthday. At this point Jeremy stopped to calculate the days left until his birthday. Two weeks! He hadn't realized it was coming near. If only Mandy could stay a bit longer, they probably could celebrate his birthday together, he thought.

   For his birthday present, she had chosen a Rolex watch. She really indulged in it because, as she sadly pointed out the diary, she doesn't have much time left and she 'might not be around for the next, next and next birthdays'. Jeremy looked at his present, which was wrapped with a red wrapping paper that got heart shaped patterns on it. He resolved not to open it until the day of his birthday.

   On the last page, Mandy had written: 'This is where the entries end, because I couldn't write no more. My physical being will be gone, six feet under, but my feelings will live with the memories. This diary is the window to my heart, ever since my world revolved around you. Jeremy, if only you knew how much I love you...'

   Jeremy closed the book and laid on his bed. He fingered the pendant, then held it up higher to see. His smiling face, obviously cut out from his class photo, and Mandy's smiling face looked back at him. Jeremy wondered how would his life be if Mandy hadn't come to him. He wondered about the strange bracelet. He wondered about the realness of it all. Her brief presence had indeed changed his life.

   He looked up at the white ceiling and gripped the pendant tightly in his palm. "If only, Mandy..." he said aloud.

"...if only you knew how much I love you too."

- THE END -

If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 4

Continued from If Only You Knew- Story Pt. 1, Story Pt. 2 and Story Pt. 3

    The next few days went as usual, except for the fact that Mandy followed Jeremy around like a shadow.

   He was in class and was taking notes when he saw a little movement outside the window. Mandy was sitting on a tree branch, waving at him gleefully. Gaping, he could not tear his eyes from her for fear that she would fall. "Get down!" he mouthed. She just shook her head, pointed at the professor, then at him before making a gesture of someone jotting down something. Jeremy understood that she wanted him to continue with his lesson but he couldn't help looking out every few minutes. Each time he looked, she would wave happily. 

"Jeremy! Do you want to jump out of the window that much? I will gladly help you. You're not paying attention!"

   The professor was very angry and everyone turned their heads to look at Jeremy. Feeling completely humiliated, he muttered, "Sorry prof," before looking out one last time, only to see Mandy laughing helplessly on the branch. God, she was such a distraction!

   Another time Jeremy was meeting some friends at Joylife. He choke on his coke when he saw her standing just outside the glass window, watching him. His nose stung like crazy because of the carbonated drink and his friends laughed at him. She then stuck out her tongue before walking away. Apparently she was angry for not being invited to join his hangout. What a buzzkill!

   And when he was at the library, Mandy would stand opposite him on the other side of the rack. Whenever Jeremy took out a book, there she was, peeking and smiling through the gap. At first he was startled, but as she did it all the time, he eventually got used to it. He once asked her, "Don't you have anything else to do? You are becoming my shadow, Mandy." She just clasped her hands together and said, "How I wish to!" with a dreamy expression. Jeremy just stared at her without a word, then went to another rack. Mandy followed him closely and continued, "Nope, I have nothing else to do. I never cared about that anymore."

"Why?"

"Why is not a good question."

"Then what and how should I ask?"

"Well, you can try something like, 'Aren't you hungry, Mandy?'"

"Aren't you hungry, Mandy? Where did you get your food, anyway?"

   Mandy was exasperated. "Oh, forget it!" Jeremy laughed. They talked, until the librarian came, pointed sternly at Jeremy than put a finger to her lips. After she was gone, Jeremy whispered to Mandy, "Was I too loud?" Mandy just shrugged and grinned.

   The funniest incident was when they tried to save a kitten. They were walking home from the library when Mandy saw a large bulldog cornering a kitten. She tugged at Jeremy's sleeve. "Jeremy, look." He turned his head and saw the dog growling ferociously at the trembling kitten. "Chase it away, Jeremy." Mandy pushed him towards the dog.

"What? No, you go."

"You're the one who's supposed to. You're a boy!"

"I don't want to have my butt ripped off, thank you! I'm putting aside my manly ego, Mandy. Seeing how concerned you are, why don't you go?"

   Mandy glared at Jeremy and said, "Coward." Then she turned to the dog. "Shoo! Bad dog! Shoo! Bad dog, your name must be Jeremy! You're as bad as him! Shoohh!!" Jeremy was just about to retort angrily at her reference of the dog to him when it turned and slowly inched towards her, still growling. Mandy became more nervous but still managed to irritate Jeremy more. "Even the dog hates you , Jeremy. Look how angry it is." Seeing the situation, Jeremy picked up a stone and threw it at the dog.

"GRRR! WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!"

   What happened next was really unforgettable. The dog would have went for Jeremy if not for Mandy who pulled his hand and ran. They sprinted as fast as they can with the dog close at their heels. It only stopped chasing after they entered a park, when Mandy tripped and fell down a slope, taking Jeremy with her. They rolled all the way down, finally coming to rest at the bottom, next to the man-made Golden Lake. The bulldog can still be heard barking.

   Jeremy was still breathing hard from the run. He looked at Mandy, who suddenly giggled. "Hey, never say.." he imitated her voice, "...'Bad dog!' to a very, very angry dog. You even said I'm as bad as that dog!" She laughed, then replied.

"Hey, never throw stones at a very, very angry dog! You're not only bad, but kind of stupid too! We might not have to run if you didn't do that earlier."

   At hearing that, Jeremy chuckled. "I'm not stupid! It was just a reflex. Who knows what would happen if I didn't? At least we saved the cat." Soon they were laughing their head off.

"Did you see the way I ran? I think I left my guts behind!"

"Lucky you, then. I thought I lost half my skirt on our way here, seeing how that dog kept snapping at me!"

"Now you know why I didn't care about my, what did you call it? Oh ya, manly ego."

   Jeremy pronounced the words with such a flourish that both were in stitches again. When they were done laughing, Mandy rested her hands on her forehead, exhausted. "Oh my God, Jeremy, I haven't laughed this hard in ages!" Jeremy agreed with her. Then he saw the bracelet on her wrist.

"That's a pretty bracelet."

   Mandy couldn't registered it at first. "What? Bracelet?...Oh, this one." She looked at it like she had never seen it before. "Yes, it's...beautiful..." The bracelet was black in colour and a few white stones are embedded in it. What made it beautiful was that the stones seemed to pulsate with a dim light every second. Mandy looked at it for a while, than got up abruptly. "Oh well, I don't need it actually. At least not now. I think I'll keep it in the drawer." Jeremy was puzzled.

   "Why not just wear it? It looks pretty on you. You look pretty wearing it." He then added in a soft but convincing voice, "Really." 

   Mandy blushed, but she pretended like it was nothing "You think so? Hey, it's getting late. We should be home by now. Let's get going." Then she walked ahead, leaving Jeremy to catch up with her.

   Both had a small smile playing on their lips.

- To Be Continued -

Continued in If Only you Knew - Story Pt. 5

If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 3

Continued from If Only you Knew - Story Pt. 1 and If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 2

   Jeremy nearly fell due to shock, and a curse slipped off his tongue. "Shit..jeez, Mandy, can't you ask before you come in next time? This is my room, for God's sake!" Mandy just smiled.

"Sorry..."

"How did you come in? Luckily my mom didn't see you just now."

"I just jumped out of  her sight as she opened the door. I thought she saw me, and I was scared stiff! Thank goodness she didn't. Anyway, the front door wasn't locked, so I crept in and found your room. Wheew...."

 Mandy acted as if to wipe off imaginary sweat on her forehead. Jeremy just rolled his eyes and proceeded to change his shirt.

"Aaaahh!!"

   Jeremy spun around quickly, only to find the girl covering her eyes with the palms of her hands. "What are you afraid of?" He asked. Mandy gestured towards the wardrobe, when actually she intended to point towards his abdomen. Her eyes were shut tight.

"Put on your shirt quickly."

"Haha...are you embarrassed, Mandy? If you're going to live here, you have to get used to it."

"I know! Would you please put on your shirt now?"

   Jeremy thought the way Mandy reacted was funny, so he reckoned he would play the joke on her and see how she takes to it. "You are afraid, aren't you? Gruaa...gruaahhh..." He went closer to her. "Mandy...Mandy...the sexy monster is gonna eat you...yumyum..."

"Stay away!"

"The monster is coming to get you...I'm gonna crush your bones..."

   Jeremy made to touch her upraised hands. "Oo0o0o..."

"AaaAaAhHhh!"

   Mandy, in her panic, had stuck a foot out and kicked Jeremy...right where she should not have. Hearing Jeremy yelped, she opened her eyes and saw him sprawled on the floor. She didn't know whether to laugh or not. Then a voice rang from below.

"Jeremy, what took u so long? Come down now!"

    Jeremy managed to choke out, "Yes, Mom." in a strangled voice. He took his shirt and put it on. Looking at Mandy angrily, he hissed, "What did you do that for? I was just joking, stupid!" Tearful Mandy whispered an apology, then giggled to herself after he stormed out of the room.

   When the dinner was over and his parents are sitting in the living room with his aunt, Jeremy stole up to his room and found Mandy asleep on his bed. Her face was peaceful, as if she didn't care for the world what was happening around her, and Jeremy became unconsciously enchanted by her sleeping expression. It was like he can almost feel the serenity in her slumber world. He waked her cautiously.

 "Mandy. Wake up. Don't you feel hungry?"

   Mandy stirred. Then she sat upright so suddenly that her forehead hit Jeremy's. For the third time that day, Jeremy said, "Ow." But this time it was not a yell. It was a resigned, quiet one. Besides, his family's downstairs and he didn't want them barging into the room and discover Mandy. Needless to say, the hit was so hard that he thought he was beginning to see stars.

   "Jeremy! Ow..my God that hurts...are you okay? I'm truly sorry...I was dreaming and you woke me up and I remembered that I was sleeping on your bed and that gave you no place to sleep and-...I'm so, so sorry...do you need some ice? Where's the ice? In the kitchen, fridge, yes, I'll get it for you..." Her head was hurting too but Mandy was really concerned about Jeremy and she blabbered until Jeremy stopped her.

"Mandy, stop talking okay? It hurts more hearing you talk like that."

    Mandy clammed up immediately. After a minute, she asked worriedly. "Does it still hurt?" Jeremy pressed his forehead a bit. 

"Just a bit."

"I'll go down and get you some ice."

"No, there's no need. Besides, my family's down there."

"In the living room, right? Don't you worry, I won't get caught."

"Mandy-"

   Mandy was out of the room before Jeremy could stop her. He was anxious, and felt relieved after she came back quickly. "Thanks, you're pretty quick."

   "You're welcome. I practically ran most of the way, but they didn't notice me. I was.." she lowered her voice to a whisper, "...really, really quiet." Then she smiled. Jeremy noticed that she had a very pretty smile, the one that lit up her face. Very refreshing. He suddenly remembered.

"Mandy, you haven't eaten since afternoon!"

"Oh, yes...I...didn't noticed."

"You on starvation or what? Let me get you something."

"It's okay, I'm not hungry."

"Don't lie...I'm your host, I really should-"

"I told you it's okay. I've eaten, I'm still full. Really."

"Just now you said-"

'Oh, just- never mind that! I ate when you were downstairs."

    Mandy then added hastily, "But don't think that I stole your food. I went out to get it, through the pipe. I climbed down." She gestured at the long pipe outside his window. Jeremy was skeptical even when Mandy looked straight into his eyes to convince him. And she couldn't held her gaze for long. She sighed. "Jeremy, I only sleep here, okay? Food and the rest, I can take care of it myself. Just trust me. Now, I'm sure you're sleepy. I'll sleep on the floor."

"Are you sure about this? Bout just sleeping here and nothing else? And you should have the bed, you know. Or do you want to share it?"

    "Don't you dare to even dream of sharing the bed!" Mandy warned, seeing the cheeky grin on Jeremy's face. He insisted that she takes the bed, but she refused, saying that she had had enough. "Put aside you pride and manly ego, Jeremy. I said I'll be comfortable sleeping on the floor! What would your mom say if she finds you like that in the morning?" With that, Jeremy was finally forced to relent.

- To Be Continued -

If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 2

Continued from If Only You Knew - Pt. 1

   Jeremy was still thinking of what to say to Mandy when they reached the music store. He called out to her. "Hey...Mandy!" Mandy turned with angry eyes. "I'm...I'm going inside," he gestured towards the store, "...to buy some CD," he stammered. Mandy's eyes were so cold they made his stomach flipped nervously. She followed him inside.

   A passerby looked quizzically up and down at Jeremy, causing him to feel uneasy. "What? I had a bad fall just now!" He was referring to his torn jeans. The man just walked away quickly, maybe afraid because of Jeremy's outburst. Jeremy shook his head and grumbled, "Aren't torn jeans supposed to be a fashion statement? Looking at me like I'm naked or something!" while looking at some Josh Groban's CDs. Mandy just giggled at that, making Jeremy a bit relieved because that meant Mandy was in a better mood then.

   Satisfied with Muse and Santana, Jeremy brought them to the counter. "What happened, Jeremy? Dog chase? Small tear in your jeans, son, but you were grumbling more than the Mayans when they ran out of calendar space while predicting the apocalypse. Heh." Burly but friendly Mr. Smith, the owner of the store greeted Jeremy. In response, Jeremy just shrugged with a half-hearted smile.

   On the way home, Mandy walked with anticipation. Each step she took almost had a happy little skip in it. Jeremy, on the other hand, was unnerved. What would his parents say if he brought home a girl that he himself barely knew? And how long is she going to stay? He couldn't just tell her to get lost, couldn't he? He didn't dared ask her anything for fear of it being a sensitive question. Suddenly, Mandy stopped walking.

"Jeremy? I had a favor to ask."

"What?"

 "Can you keep this a secret from everyone? Including your family."

"I don't know how on earth can I do that, Mandy. Someone's bound to find out. And I still can't believe that I agreed to let you live in my house!"

   Mandy laughed. "Don't worry. If you don't tell, no one's gonna find out. I assure you that I'm an expert in blending in and hiding. I've already done that in high school, remember?" Jeremy didn't quite understand what she meant by that, and her face looked discouraging although her tone was cheerful. Jeremy thought that maybe she also wasn't too sure of that herself. "Are you sure, Mandy? I'm not quite convinced. If this become known to the others, I'm the one who has to explain. You understand the consequences?" By that time, they had reached the front gate of his house.

"I do, Jeremy, I do. Pretend that I'm not there. I can handle myself."

"Pretend that you're not there? What nonsense! I don't know how the hell can you hide your-"

   "Jeremy! You're back. You're so late, dear." The door opened before Jeremy finished talking. He frozed, thinking that his mother probably saw Mandy. He didn't know how she managed to hide because he turned to see the door the instant his mother opened it, but luckily his mother had not said anything else. She ushered him into the house, and he didn't dare to look for Mandy. She told him to keep the secret, hadn't she? Well, he was doing her the favor now. Mrs. Dicken then went into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

"What's for dinner?"

"Roasted chicken and salad. Go upstairs and change, would you? Then come down here and help me to prepare the table. Your aunt is coming."

"Aunt Garrie?"

"Yes. Now go. And hurry a bit, okay?"

   Still wondering about the whereabouts of Mandy, Jeremy entered his room and turned on the light absent-mindedly. Then he turned to throw his bag on the bed...

...where Mandy had been sitting.

 - To be continued -

Continued in If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 3

If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 1 (Warning! Mushy)

Here is the story that I promised you after The Wood and Dance Of Silence. Warning: Might not be suitable for those who despise mushy ♥♥♥ stories and have weak stomach. Be forewarned! Muahahahaha!~

******************************************

   Jeremy stopped walking when he saw the same girl again peering at him from behind the tree. He was puzzled. That girl couldn't possibly had wanted to talk to him, right? He didn't recognized her, but all morning she had been following him and had never once try to talk to him. She had disappeared when Jeremy turned to look but he could still see part of her skirt sticking out from one side of the tree. 'What does she want?' Although he was curious, Jeremy decided he would give her one last chance to introduce herself. She knew that he knew that she was there.

   So he continued walking. His destination was the music store situated next to his favorite fastfood joint, JoyLife.

   After a few minutes walking, Jeremy heard the rustle of leaves and turned in time to catch a glimpse of brunette hair. The girl had ducked behind a tree again this time. He was beginning to get angry. That girl couldn't be following anybody else, he was the only person walking along the road then. So he marched right up to the tree and demanded, "Why are you following me?"

   There was no answer. But Jeremy knew she was still there because of her black skirt. It stuck out prominently. "Well, aren't you going to answer me? I've noticed you since this morning, like a squirrel going from tree to tree. Haven't you learned your manners, spying on people like that?"

   At last, the girl stepped out from her hiding place. She was quite pretty, with almost gothic-like black-rimmed eyes. She looked guilty, and blurted out, "I'm so sorry, Jeremy.", before he could say anymore. Jeremy frowned.

"How did you know my name?"

   The girl didn't answer, she just looked down nervously. "Who are you? Aw, come on. I won't bite," Jeremy said impatiently. It was 7.30 and he was supposed to be home already.

"Okay, I'm tired of waiting for your explanation. I'm going."

   Having said that, he sauntered off, leaving the girl alone. In his haste to get away, Jeremy tripped over his own shoelace. "Ow! Damn." The girl, who was speechless when Jeremy left her, could not contain her laughter. She stopped when Jeremy glared at her. Smiling, she went over and held out her hand to help him get up, but already he was, brushing away the dirt on his jeans. "You saw me fell, and you had a good laugh about it. Now at least you should tell me your name, shouldn't you?" He took the opportunity to question the girl now walking beside him.

"My name is Mandy. And...I am going to live with you."

"What?!"

   Jeremy turned to face Mandy. "Are you my long lost cousin?" With such innocence in her big round eyes, Mandy answered. "No..."

"My sister, although unknown to me?"

"Nope."

"Did you know me from school?"

"Err...actually, yes..."

    "Then why don't I remember you? Let me see..." They started walking again, Jeremy trying his hardest to recall. "Mandy...Mandy...are you, though you look quite different...are you, by any chance..."

   "Yes?" Mandy said hopefully.

"Mandy Moore?"

   She seemed to crumble from disappointment. "No, that is the name of a singer and actress!" Jeremy grinned sheepishly. "Oh, yes, right." Mandy urged him, "Try again, Jeremy. You must remember me. We bumped against each other so often during high school!"

   Jeremy tried again, but he still couldn't remember. He smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, I really can't recall. The only person I remember whom I often bumped into was...it was Lily..."

   Mandy sensed Jeremy's tender voice and when she looked, his face had soften and for a moment, he seemed lost in a faraway thought. She suddenly realized that Jeremy probably never noticed her at all. 'Who are you kidding, Mandy? Just who do you think you were?' She thought sadly. But still...

"I'm still going to live with you, Jeremy. No matter what."

    "What? Oh..." Jeremy had momentarily forgotten about it. Then like a rock hitting him on the head, the meaning of it sunk into his comprehension. He whirled around. "No! I mean, why do you want to live with me? I don't even remember you. This whole idea is absolutely crazy!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yeah, it is! Are you pulling my leg or what? You might as well pull my butt too!"

"Jeremy, I don't have other place to go! I promise, there wouldn't be any trouble."

"My parent are gonna find out! Where are your parents, anyway?"

   The moment Jeremy said it, he knew he had made a mistake. That might be the cause of Mandy's problem. Maybe they were gone, and Mandy didn't have anybody else to turn to. But hadn't she got her friends? Or relatives? Tears had welled up in her eyes. She strode ahead of him and their walk continued in silence.

 - To be continued -

Continued in If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 2
 

Bro...Kau Ni Kan...

i f  p i c  i s  s h a r e d  k i n d l y  l i n k  b a c k  o r  c r e d i t,  p l e a s e.  t h a n k s~

Bro, kau ni kan...aku tengah download cerita, sikit lagi nak habis...woh seronoknya nanti boleh tengok Grimm. Tau-tau, connection terputus! Arghh...kau duduk je situ tersengih.

Bro, kau ni kan...aku download lagi sekali dengan kesabaran yang berbaki. Tunggu punya punya tunggu, habis download. Oyeah! Saiz yang tertera kt download window pun betul, 151MB. Yes, I did it! Bukak folder, select 'Extract Here'.....yang aku dapat, 'Failed to open'. Arghh...kau duduk je situ tersengih.

Bro, kau ni kan...aku dengan paru-paru yang menggelegak try lagi. Kau duduk je situ tersengih sambil terkelip-kelip. Disconnected. BERKALI-KALI. Cis...

Bro, kau ni kan...banyak berjasa tapi. Thanks, bro...tapi buat masa sekarang bro, PENAH KENA LIBAS DENGAN EKOR SIPUT?? KAU NAK?! HUH??!

Effects of Love

    A tug at the corner of the beating heart   

    A rise of adrenaline    

    A surge of endorphine   

    Life felt better   

    Ordinary flowers look prettier   

    A smile for the enemy   

    Even a helping hand, maybe?   

    A little skip in every step   

    Ready to take on any crap   

    Savoring the buoyant feeling   

    Wondering about the ending   

    Then think, while all this lasts   

Just for a moment, I could let go of the past

And live for the present, aiming for the future

For all the pain and hurt I bear,

I've finally found my cure...

Kasih sayang mampu menghasilkan suatu kehebatan yang tidak dijangka dalam diri kita, tapi juga mampu membuat kita bertindak dalam super kebodohan. Yang sakitnya, masing-masing saling menyayangi tetapi aku tidak mampu menunjukkan dan membuat kamu percaya yang hati ini menganggap kamu lah yang terbaik. Dan mungkin itulah juga yang kamu kesalkan dalam hubungan kamu dengannya. Aku memandang kamu dan kamu masih memandang kepadanya. Aku membiarkan kerana aku faham, dalam masa yang sama aku memaki diri kerana kelemahan yang aku miliki menjadikan aku tidak mampu membuat kamu percaya pada apa yang ada dalam diri aku untuk kamu.

 - Why can't you understand that you are worthy of me? -

- Instead, I might be the one unworthy of you. -