Can't Seem To Die

Time flows
But this wound still surprises me
I stomped hard on that dying ember somewhere within
Thickened the layers of frost around my heart
Hoping to numb whatever it is that im feeling
Couldn't say what i truly feel
Instead i say what i thought was right
Hearing your voice made me truly realized i haven't stopped missing you
Even while asking God to remove this pain I cried at the thought that
It could mean letting go of how much you meant to me
How could i think like this?
Am i stupid?
To hold onto what is left of your traces even if it is pain
I really, really didn't know i have the capacity to love someone like this
Even when our future is a black hole
I should've given up already
And it's not like i did'nt try
I lived each day, i charged forward, i danced, i sing, i laughed, i have fun
For i couldn't even dare to hope and ask God for another chance
Yet that tiny stubborn little spark, even though buried over and over again under the dirt,
Can't seem to die.

...But Not You.

Dear, even the weather can be predicted, but not you

In your cold manner i found discomfort, but i've learnt

To accept that long ago as an inevitable portion of human attitude

Your anger has good reasons and flaws, like many others

But i love you, you and your moodswings

Because i've seen the tender person you are inside

My motivator, my happy memories, one of the reasons i feel so right

And when you sing, your voice radiates warmth, except when it's rock ;p

Then when you're dazed, you're just so clueless it made me love you more

Dear, even the answer to the simplest question i can forget

But not you.

3am Thoughts

The original photo is from a Facebook page called 3am Thoughts (personal blog : click the link to go to the page). I really like it because many thoughts it shared were the feelings many people experienced but couldn't say out loud, or can't find the right words to express them. Sometimes we can't even understand what we felt until somebody put them into words that make us go, oh..so that's what i felt. And it's nice that it help us understand ourselves a little bit more. It's important to understand, because then it will be easier to know where to change or what to do for the better.

Scribbles under the stars

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Have you cried while feeling so broken and alone, so lost that you felt like you are going insane, that to stop that crushing pain you really just had to hold your own hands tightly the way two persons would, hoping for the little comfort that you so desperately needed..because that comfort, is now a stranger.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Have you ever had to literally cover your ears, to stop hearing the conversation you wish you didn't had, or the things you wish you didn't hear, replaying again and again in your mind?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you know when you truly genuinely wish for someone to have the best things in life, but your heart just proceeded to override your brain, eventually vandalizing your words and actions.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Then you scolded yourself over and over for the stupid things you did or said, promising yourself you'll be better, then end up losing the battle to your heart in split second? Ambushed by your own self without even had the chance to think twice. Shame on you, brain.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you know what it feels like to miss someone terribly, but couldn't even text properly or have a decent call anymore, because life. Life happens.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you understand how it feels to have to convince yourself that something better is coming to you..

...over and over again? Each day?

After losing what feels like the best?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you know how hard it is to go through routine without the most likable parts of it in it? 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

And through those times when the pain suddenly hits, your heart beats wildly and you just want to collapse somewhere to recover, but cant.

Because you are somewhere you don't really want to be doing something you don't really feel like doing, around other people who are oblivious to your struggles.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do you know how hard it is wishing and praying for someone's happiness while knowing that you are not a part of it anymore?

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The weight of emotions can be really crippling. Many people will agree. After all, we are just human.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

My Miao Cirit Meletop

Kau punya pasal la kan bagi kitorang minum susu tak sedap lagi pelesu time kecik dulu kan? Kan? Mogok ni mogok.

Ha ni la alkisahnye cerita yang aku mention dalam Tebiat Dapur Musim Malas...kucing aku time kecik2 takleh minum susu...aku pulak gi beli susu tepung dari pet store untuk dorang minum. Ganti susu ibu kucing la konon. Tak tau pulak dorang tak boleh minum susu tu. Maka disebabkan aku dengan bahagianya bagi dorang minum beberapa kali, terjadilah beberapa episod cirit yang mengstresskan diriku especially tiap kali dengar soundtracknya bergema memecah kedamaian hari.

Prottt...prettt...prot~ot~ot...pret~et~et...pret pret...

Shrrshhh shrrshhh shrrsshhh *bunyi miao korek pasir untuk tanam 'bukti'*

Anyway, ada satu episod yang tertanam kukuh dalam ingatan aku yang pelupa ni. Aku tengah nak letak makanan ngan air dalam sangkar dorang. Kebetulan miao putih nk membuat 'jenayah' lagi (jenayah la tu, mendera perasaan tuan yang bangang gak sebab bagi susu ke miao.). Miao putih pun berada dalam posisi bersedia. 

Preetttttt....

Slow je mula2. Pastu yang sekor lagi miao tanah liat (kaler cam tanah liat) ntah kenapa nak menyebok pulak nak julur2 kepala nak gi hidu bontot si miao putih. Pastu-

PROT!!!

Ujan sesaat beb....bukan ujan apa, ujan cirit! Miaoku cirit meletop! 

Direct ke muka miao tanah liat. Aku sambil gelak dalam bengang terus tarik miao tanah liat pegi basuh muka dia. Padan muka kau miao. Haha dahla kena bom cirit, ko kena dengar lagi bebelan tuan kau. Muka dia pun cam bengang ada, menyesal ada....hahaha (padahal muka memang stail gitu).

Why Do You Still Keep Her Picture?

You said she's just a stranger

And she said the same

But she sent you a picture

Her looking so pretty

You said you and her could probably be together

If there is no me

Imagine how i feel hearing about that

Knowing love is fading in your heart

You're so suffocated

A caged bird for so long

Longing to be free

A desire so strong

She's someone who's passing by

While you're stuck at a junction

Greetings turned into conversations

Then you're listening to her heart

Soon she's into you

What am i to do?

I can't blame love

When love is blind

When you and her parted ways

Why do you still keep her picture?

She was such a stranger

But of course, she's pretty and probably much nicer

If things really end

Then i really don't understand

Why do you still keep her picture

Even when i point it out to you

It's still in your phone

Do you like to be reminded of her?

Maybe that's why you still keep her picture

And never ask for mine anymore.

Twisted Life, Twisted Story. *updated*

P/s : All the weirdness is yours to love or to hate. Either way, hi ;) .

__________________________________

A boy lived near the outskirts of town, in his own huge, gloomy, out of century and out of place castle that his family owned for generations.

Not one to befriend many, mostly he just kept to himself. As long as no one disturbs him, he would disturb no one. 

Until, that is, the day he met those eyes.

**************************

Walking along the lively streets one night, he was feeling really down when he first saw those green eyes. She just came out from a car. The pair of jade greens suddenly turned and caught his eyes. A quick smile of greeting, and they walked away.

He was caught off guard.

***************************

From that moment on, every Friday and Saturday he would stick around that area the whole night. He observed, and listened. He tried to be near when he can. But those jade greens never rest upon him again. They didn't notice him, and he's as invisible to them as he had made himself to be to people all his life.

His curiosity bloomed, but that's as far as they got.

For the moment.

***************************

And on one particular Tuesday, there's a large gathering. The noisiness of the crowd filled his senses. He came, and as if there's a built-in sensor in him, he found them again after seconds of scanning the area.

Those jade greens were talking, and he clearly heard.

"What's your number?"

"31...and what's yo-..."

He didn't need to hear the rest of the conversation. He's going to get it.

He would know her name.

***************************

Scanning the names on the board, he saw them. Number 31.

Jade Haney.

Er, weird name, he thought. Should i memorize it backwards in case i forget it? Yenah Jade? Jade Yenah.

So she's 22.

The people went about their own business busily. Through the bustling crowd he kept glancing in her direction. She, while waiting, played with her cellphone nonstop. He waited, too...

...for the chance to get closer.

***************************

Then, that lifechanging opportunity came. He saw it, and took it. Eventhough he felt he didn't stand a chance.

With a fortunately convincing reasons, he managed to get her number. He was lucky she couldn't wriggle her way out of it. She was hesitant, but he was able to be even more persistent without coming across as forceful. 

Lucky him, indeed. Fate spun its yarn in his favor.

***************************

He texted her. Even called her. He wrung out a thousand reasons just to contact her.

Still, she seemed cold. Her replies were mostly late and their phone calls were so short that he thought even a cat would take longer than that to take a piss. He felt like giving up...

...when finally, she started to enjoy his company.

It's great. She's getting comfortable.

***************************

Starting with a tiramisu that kept her staying up late, they began to form a bond. He was unbelievably funny and she loved his stories. She would wait eagerly for his calls and they would talk until sunrise. He was fresh and interesting. She couldn't believe that their sense of humor matched perfectly.

She looked forward to making time for him, and him the same.

But he forgot her full name.

***************************

She didn't know he went straight to the name list displayed on the notice board the other day after he found out her list number. So she also didn't know that he forgot her name even when he fancifully tried to memorize it backwards.  

Talk about unnecessary. She had fun withholding her name from him.

And what a laugh she had when she found out about him trying to memorize her name in a fancy way but epic-failed.

***************************

Nights after nights they had long talks. He cleverly brought up one of her favorite topics, movies and used it as bait to keep her hooked.

And one day they agreed to meet, to exchange movies. To give her a copy of the ones he watched over and over again, the ones that were so funny she knew she wouldn't be able to resist. The ones that he cunningly suggested and told snippets of because he knew her funny bone too well.

Both waited eagerly for that day to arrive.

***************************

Her stomach was making butterfly cakes, churning and churning. He missed her house and had to turn back. Her outfit was so sunny and his was so dark. She lived the days and slept the nights while he's more nocturnal. He was thinking how opposed they were and yet there she was in front of him, agreeing to meet him when she had just known him for like, two days.

Actually, it was only about two months, but she knew much about him, he made sure of that. She might know less than some people, but deeper than most people, enough to back off if she had wanted to.

It's amazing that she didn't.

Their not-quite-first-date first date went very well. A day at the mall and a lunch shared together. The said movies exchanged. Both had immense fun. She finally experienced a normal, real teenage date. She never had a real one, much less one that felt so right, so carefree, so anticipated, that is totally, mutually, wonderfully comfortable. It's like she finally found her soulmate, a BFF that is a BGF (best guy friend) with a goofy, crazy and out-of-the-box sense of humor that complement her own.

***************************

One date led to another.

Friendship blossomed. What was initially a one-sided attraction quickly whirlwinded its way into a full romance that took tentative steps into the unknown.

They had quite strong feelings for each other, considering the short time it took for their courtship. The strength came from his direct ways and her ready acceptance. But no matter how strong their feelings are, their past and present enveloped their lives with complications. They were both unsure of their future together. In fact, they were so unsure that they were getting ready for farewells even as their love had just started to find ground. Would the seed of their intertwined fates grow into a blessed tree of till-death-do-us-part?

***************************

Where there is love, there will almost always be fights. Fights that happen because one cares, expects, suspects and expectations failed, suspicion led to jealousy. Fights that hurt. Starting from the small ones that took seconds to make up to the huge, huge fights that were so heated they were basically don't-you-dare-be-mine-again. Sometimes the fights were so tiresome that they kind of broke up just to stop the fight. But deep down, neither really gave up on each other. No matter how hard and hopeless it was, somehow they always patched things up in the end. It was unbelievable how they were still together despite their pasts, presents and problems.

***************************

He had such a vampiric effect on her. He sucked the misery out of her and breathed joy into her life. He can reverse it, in an instant. He was unpredictable, perfectly capable of saying the words that stung most in the calmest of ways. He didn't pamper her. He was the only person that ever really, really provoke her to the point of her being explosively outraged, nearly sprouting fangs herself...and almost always win the arguments. Most of the times she can't beat him. He was challenging and she didn't like being challenged. He confronted her, pushed her to the limits and was really annoying, but as annoying as a BFF who is too precious and involved and will most probably stay BFFNENE (BFF and Ever and Ever) and knew it. It was devastatingly interesting in a way. She finally met her match (that matched her like a jigsaw puzzle that didn't quite fit but still seemed matching. In an insane way).

**************************

And while he had that effect on her, she still managed to make his life miserable without even trying, even when she tried her best not to. Not that she wanted to. She never intends to. But that's their fate. Love at first sight for him and dreams came true for her that brought about both heaven and hell to their relationship. All those years of daydreaming about what falling in love would be like kind of materialized into him. He was what she wanted all along, and it was amazing that he found her first. She had always been the one to find, but never found or wanted. At least, not sincerely and ferociously and persistently wanted. He was one of a kind, one that she would never have deemed to be her type. As God would have it, he turned out to be totally her type.

**************************

Days went by, turning into months, passing into years for the sweet courtship that wove understanding and getting to know each other with fights that threatened to destroy or built strength. He knew her life stories, she knew his. As hardheaded and selfish that he appeared to be, there's still a pretty big but sensible heart underneath. She loved the way he lived with his flaws and mistakes, that despite the bad things that he's done and been through in his past, he survived. He became a better person. His scars made him stronger. She admired his composure and self control, his sense and courage. At least he was better off than her. She was naive, too trusting, unfamiliar with the cruel nooks of the world, not knowing the ways of human manipulation. She became a test subject, and she was an easy prey, something she only realized later than she should. Too naive for thinking that if she meant good and no harm to nobody then harm won't come to her. Well, she was terribly wrong and found how twisted fate could be. Harm did came, and she learned it the hard, hard way. Her life was in ruins, and no one would understand how victimized she was. And to think that such things were able to happen just because she didn't want to lose a friendship. Yes, the reason seemed innocent enough, wasn't it? Well, not so much when manipulation came into play. Anything innocent could turn into the ultimate evil by manipulation. When she thought about it, she laughed to herself. Who knew better? Who would believe? She was easier to blame, and blamed she was. The resentment might never go away, but she picked herself up and carried on. And in that process of carrying on, she met him.

************************** 

He met such an interesting character. No, now that he'd known her, she was a selfish, egoistic, stupid and kind person (it's a weird combination but it's all the words that he had used to describe her) with an interesting story. She had lived through a nightmare and lived against herself. She became a person she had never thought and dreamt of becoming. He might not know it but she had wondered for so many times about her sanity and awareness during those times. She even wondered whether she had been possessed, seeing how ridiculuous everything was when she thought about it again. And she kind of wish she was so that she can say she was not at fault. 

But she was. 

Too naive. Just being too naive and to put it more clearly, plain stupid. Actually, maybe she really had been possessed. How could anybody be more stupid?

Apparently she could.

************************** 

There's someone that she used to know. Someone she truly hated at first for being the player and user that he was. But then, yes, being the player and user that he was, he roped her in into his life. That's how good he was. He turned her from someone who despised him into someone who could love him and his moves were very well played. He could always turn a situation to favor him. Her mistake was because she believed that the people that she knew wouldn't be so heartless. Her mistake was she believed some, forgived some of all his despicable acts and lies. He used her friend as a trap to draw her closer.

In the end, one of the bestest friends that she cherished so dear reached the point where she burned all the stuff that were given to her. She couldn't stop the instant tears when she found that out. She lost a precious friendship because of that man. She became a bad person because of him. Because of him, she who were ignorant were seen as someone who was heartless. He played his games well. Very well, indeed.

She knew he was bad, but only after she left him did she found out how bad. So the rumors were true that he couldn't care less about her. Outwardly he appeared to protect he but behind her back, he himself was the one who smeared her name. He was the one who, in essence, kicked her out on the streets with a bad name and best of all, he got the most out of it.

She felt not one bit of regret leaving him. It was way past due time anyway. She prayed to God that she will never ever have anything to do with that kind of people again. All the mockings, the way people looked down on her was something she went through numbly, alone. He was there for her sometimes but she knew now he wasn't really there for her, he was just playing his supposed role.

Boy was she glad that he was out of her life, glad that she didn't fell for his tricks again, glad that she didn't succumb to his psychological games anymore, thankful for the people that helped her kept him away from her. 

She freed herself from the most heartless manipulator she had ever met. 

What's happened, happened. Nobody is in her shoes, nobody understands. It's up to her to build herself a good life, and she started over.

************************** 

She was grateful for that guy who came into her life and boosted her recovery. He was an outsider who knows more about her than her friends. He just happened to have that gift, annoyingly. He was such an alien to her yet he made her comfortable with his non judgemental ways, which worked with other girls, too, annoyingly. But that aside, she thought that maybe God sent her an extra someone to help her cope, an addition to her circle of support. Well, she wasn't complaining.

************************** 

He, along with her friends were a great company to her not-so-broken heart. She felt amazingly happier, relieved that it's totally not as devastating as she thought it would be. They had fun, life went on as usual.

************************** 

As time passed by, she had grown to accept that all things are not permanent. Through the course of life they shared together, she decided to let him lives the way he wanted to. He was not hers and she was never able to make him believe that she cherished him more than any guy she has ever had relationship with. It was quite frustrating because deep in her heart there was this nagging feeling that screamed to disagree whenever he insisted that she didn't love him enough due to their constant fights. Or is it denial? It really didn't felt like denial. That puzzled her more. Numbness spread like anesthesia onto her emotions as he constantly expressed his disbelief and that he no longer loved her. She thought that sooner or later she's going to come to the point of not caring anymore. They were tired of bickering, and when they no longer fought, life had became tiring enough that they lost the vigor and spirit. Pathetic. After all, she was dull and ordinary, full of faults. His heart has understandably became bored. What would become of the two people once dreaming of a future together, but are now together watching their dreams wither away? She couldn't say.

************************** 

She knew she still had her BFFNENE. She knew she still had her friends who were like lighthouses signaling the ships to the path of safety, who were like safety buoys in the middle of the sea, who kept her company, who were nice and sweet. They were cupcakes with icings, keeping things going and lively. But the best thing of all, through her twisted life, in her depths of despair and moments of burnt hopes, she succumbed to her Creator. She learned how to give it up, to The One who owns it all. Sometimes it was so tiring to keep surviving, as she didn't know when was she was supposed to stop or kept moving. But she learned to let go of her worries bit by bit, to live a little, to admit her mistakes and to stop trying to be perfect. Though she knew that she would never be that, there were still times when she couldn't help trying, as though it would lower her worth if she fails.

She had to learn to love herself completely.

**************************

-  Will continue later  -

Love Diaries, Love Contracts, Fate

 

I Lost You

In impatience, in ego

I lost you

In mindfulness that are too much

I lost you

In carelessness, foolishness

I lost you since the beginning

I lost you

I lost you

Promises that we uttered

Mutually broken

Sorry that I made us this way

Wish I could make us better

I touched your hands

But didn't grab them tight

Didn't hold them right

Even more when we fight

I saw your tears

Wiped them for you once, twice

But they've never really stopped

Not with all these lies

How could I make you walk

This thorny path with me

If I couldn't even pick the roses for you

Couldn't at the very least shield you with warmth

Melting the cold, hard jabs of the world

How could I

When you did everything for me.

And I did nothing for you.

Couldn't stand me lacking too much

That it's finally wearing you down

Finally wearing you down

Finally wearing you down

You won't free yourself

And I know it's not right

To keep you in my messy life

So I let you go

Let you go now

Go now before you're broken further

And I'll get my act together

In regret forever

That I lost you.

When I become better

If in your heart you have no other

I'll come back

I'll find you…

…

…

…

That’s what I thought before.

But this moment looks me in the eye

Told me to quit harassing you

Told me to quit trying to be someone that I can never be

Quit lying to myself that I can be better

When in fact, I’ll never be able to

Because I’m never good enough in the first place

I’ve never been good enough.

In the pit of lies you’ve thrown me back into

This is not taking the easy way out

This is just getting tired of hurting us

So I’ll stay here now

And save you the hassle of reliving this hell.

If Only You Knew - Story Pt. 4

Continued from If Only You Knew- Story Pt. 1, Story Pt. 2 and Story Pt. 3

    The next few days went as usual, except for the fact that Mandy followed Jeremy around like a shadow.

   He was in class and was taking notes when he saw a little movement outside the window. Mandy was sitting on a tree branch, waving at him gleefully. Gaping, he could not tear his eyes from her for fear that she would fall. "Get down!" he mouthed. She just shook her head, pointed at the professor, then at him before making a gesture of someone jotting down something. Jeremy understood that she wanted him to continue with his lesson but he couldn't help looking out every few minutes. Each time he looked, she would wave happily. 

"Jeremy! Do you want to jump out of the window that much? I will gladly help you. You're not paying attention!"

   The professor was very angry and everyone turned their heads to look at Jeremy. Feeling completely humiliated, he muttered, "Sorry prof," before looking out one last time, only to see Mandy laughing helplessly on the branch. God, she was such a distraction!

   Another time Jeremy was meeting some friends at Joylife. He choke on his coke when he saw her standing just outside the glass window, watching him. His nose stung like crazy because of the carbonated drink and his friends laughed at him. She then stuck out her tongue before walking away. Apparently she was angry for not being invited to join his hangout. What a buzzkill!

   And when he was at the library, Mandy would stand opposite him on the other side of the rack. Whenever Jeremy took out a book, there she was, peeking and smiling through the gap. At first he was startled, but as she did it all the time, he eventually got used to it. He once asked her, "Don't you have anything else to do? You are becoming my shadow, Mandy." She just clasped her hands together and said, "How I wish to!" with a dreamy expression. Jeremy just stared at her without a word, then went to another rack. Mandy followed him closely and continued, "Nope, I have nothing else to do. I never cared about that anymore."

"Why?"

"Why is not a good question."

"Then what and how should I ask?"

"Well, you can try something like, 'Aren't you hungry, Mandy?'"

"Aren't you hungry, Mandy? Where did you get your food, anyway?"

   Mandy was exasperated. "Oh, forget it!" Jeremy laughed. They talked, until the librarian came, pointed sternly at Jeremy than put a finger to her lips. After she was gone, Jeremy whispered to Mandy, "Was I too loud?" Mandy just shrugged and grinned.

   The funniest incident was when they tried to save a kitten. They were walking home from the library when Mandy saw a large bulldog cornering a kitten. She tugged at Jeremy's sleeve. "Jeremy, look." He turned his head and saw the dog growling ferociously at the trembling kitten. "Chase it away, Jeremy." Mandy pushed him towards the dog.

"What? No, you go."

"You're the one who's supposed to. You're a boy!"

"I don't want to have my butt ripped off, thank you! I'm putting aside my manly ego, Mandy. Seeing how concerned you are, why don't you go?"

   Mandy glared at Jeremy and said, "Coward." Then she turned to the dog. "Shoo! Bad dog! Shoo! Bad dog, your name must be Jeremy! You're as bad as him! Shoohh!!" Jeremy was just about to retort angrily at her reference of the dog to him when it turned and slowly inched towards her, still growling. Mandy became more nervous but still managed to irritate Jeremy more. "Even the dog hates you , Jeremy. Look how angry it is." Seeing the situation, Jeremy picked up a stone and threw it at the dog.

"GRRR! WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!"

   What happened next was really unforgettable. The dog would have went for Jeremy if not for Mandy who pulled his hand and ran. They sprinted as fast as they can with the dog close at their heels. It only stopped chasing after they entered a park, when Mandy tripped and fell down a slope, taking Jeremy with her. They rolled all the way down, finally coming to rest at the bottom, next to the man-made Golden Lake. The bulldog can still be heard barking.

   Jeremy was still breathing hard from the run. He looked at Mandy, who suddenly giggled. "Hey, never say.." he imitated her voice, "...'Bad dog!' to a very, very angry dog. You even said I'm as bad as that dog!" She laughed, then replied.

"Hey, never throw stones at a very, very angry dog! You're not only bad, but kind of stupid too! We might not have to run if you didn't do that earlier."

   At hearing that, Jeremy chuckled. "I'm not stupid! It was just a reflex. Who knows what would happen if I didn't? At least we saved the cat." Soon they were laughing their head off.

"Did you see the way I ran? I think I left my guts behind!"

"Lucky you, then. I thought I lost half my skirt on our way here, seeing how that dog kept snapping at me!"

"Now you know why I didn't care about my, what did you call it? Oh ya, manly ego."

   Jeremy pronounced the words with such a flourish that both were in stitches again. When they were done laughing, Mandy rested her hands on her forehead, exhausted. "Oh my God, Jeremy, I haven't laughed this hard in ages!" Jeremy agreed with her. Then he saw the bracelet on her wrist.

"That's a pretty bracelet."

   Mandy couldn't registered it at first. "What? Bracelet?...Oh, this one." She looked at it like she had never seen it before. "Yes, it's...beautiful..." The bracelet was black in colour and a few white stones are embedded in it. What made it beautiful was that the stones seemed to pulsate with a dim light every second. Mandy looked at it for a while, than got up abruptly. "Oh well, I don't need it actually. At least not now. I think I'll keep it in the drawer." Jeremy was puzzled.

   "Why not just wear it? It looks pretty on you. You look pretty wearing it." He then added in a soft but convincing voice, "Really." 

   Mandy blushed, but she pretended like it was nothing "You think so? Hey, it's getting late. We should be home by now. Let's get going." Then she walked ahead, leaving Jeremy to catch up with her.

   Both had a small smile playing on their lips.

- To Be Continued -

Continued in If Only you Knew - Story Pt. 5