Makes Me Happy

Be happy. Find your happiness within.

Being quirky and weird usually make me happier than being normal because i do what other people don't and sometimes it is more rewarding cos i find out what won't happen in ordinary circumstances. Either i  got applauded, labelled, scolded, etc...rather than get caught up in the in crowd and being oblivious of the small details that keep us grounded and perceptive in real life, i prefer the eccentric me. The me that although often overlook many things, also notice things that others around me don't, things that people dont notice me noticing. I like observing people. Sometimes i do something just for the benefit or their doubts, or just to see their reactions. It's quite fun, feels like im doing a research on human behaviour. Analyzing people, even analyzing myself. 

Happy is freedom. Freedom is happiness.

It's precious freedom. Being able to do something not of norm and having peace of mind about it, not being afraid to show people the kind of person you are. Of course, not many of us are at that level yet. We are still afraid of so many things, but some of us are better at hiding it. But the longer u hide, the more tiring it become.

So every chance you get to do something random / unusual / weird / eccentric, maybe you just grab it and do it. If it makes you happy, if it is not wrong, if it doesn't jeopardizes your life, if you think you can get away with it, if you are willing to take the risk (haha), why not?

Get crazy be happy, and these dogs be showin you how we do it.

I think as we get older we become more serious as we shoulder more responsibility and have more to think about. We slowly lose the child in us. We have less energy, less time and more worries. Salute to those who are young at heart regardless of how old they are. But of course, being young / young at heart is no excuse for being irresponsible.

Too happy? Puke rainbow if you must.

But you know, i am wondering whether being quirky and weird will lessen our credibility / charisma at work? I can't help believing that your actions speak for you, meaning that if you do your job well, it might be a small issue if you wear a clown wig to work today and then a Goku hairstyle tomorrow ;D ... i'm just saying. But then again, we can't control the way other people are, we can only control the way we are...so maybe we can forget the wig and the Goku hairstyle... (T_T)

Still can goof around and not acting my age, 'marbellous'!

It does make me happy that there is still energy in me and some kind of outlet for my cartoonish behaviour / soul. Despite the extreme extent of seriousness and anxiety i descend into sometimes, i can still happily goof around ;). And it is a blessing that sometimes some small things that make us smile come into our lives just like that, unexpected, unavoidable, suddenly noticeable when previously they are unnoticed.

Enough said ;)

Battle With Betrayal

 The pain of betrayal

Grips like hellfire

Endless tears in your heart

Silent words nobody hears

The darkness of night pulls you down

And alone you drown

The sun saves you each day

But forever it can never stay

Deep inside you could hear a sound

A faint cry for help

But no one is around

And lies come after lies

All you've seen and believe in

Illusions made for you

They shatters, and your little world crumbles

Truth does make you stronger

But it also makes you colder

Why wouldn't it be

When you lost something you protected with such ferocity

Something you thought would never leave you

Even when the whole world walks out on you

You kneel in desperation

Grasping blindly for fragments of truth

Piercing your numb fingers mercilessly

You look up at the sky

Hoping to see the sun

Just to realize that the storm is coming

In defeat you lay on the ground

Washed in sorrow

Helplessly uttering no sound

No sound at all.

When Sleep Eludes...

░  The room is silent -

-  The air is still  ░

░  The inner soul is shredded  -

-  With a darkening cloud  ░

░  Energy runs low  -

-  And chest feels tight  ░

░  There's a feeling of doom  -

-  Doesn't know why or what  ░

░  Hopes hide, fear emerges  -

-  What will happen, what does one deserves  ░

 ░ Hands come together in prayers  -

-  Willing the black fog to leave  ░

░  Wanting to see a brightly lit path  -

-  Or even someone waiting  ░

░  But no matter how hard you think  -

-  There's no way out  ░

  ░  All that's left to do  -

-  Is how your head  ░

░  Recall your flaws, wishing not to be dead.  -

*Pagi ni jeles ngan aku, tak nak bagi aku tido. Daripada aku terkebil-kebil macam orang sakit jiwa tunggu tido datang, so baiklah aku terhegeh-hegeh di sini sekejap menghabiskan tenaga yang ada supaya boleh mengumpan tido balik. Anyway tetamu-tetamu sekalian, apa macam lepak kat taman aku yang tak seberapa ni? Kalau best, terimalah kasih tapi kalau tak best salahkan tukang kebun! Haha. Harap korang semua enjoy, kalau enjoy bolehlah menderma, donation box ada di mana-mana ye. Masjid, kedai, McD, depan bank...hehehehe. Oklah, nak gi cari tido balik, main hide and run pulak masa ni. Sebelum tu, tukang kebun aku saja nak pesan kat korang, Be careful of what you choose to do in life. Think more. (Sila baca dengan sound effect yang misteri dari alam mimpi) Apebende lagi, tukang kebun? Oh, tu je. Tukang kebun aku memang suka buat ayat cambest. Tu pasal la kebun aku tak terjaga. Hahahaa...tp kalau suka taman aku ni, sekali lagi time kaseyyyy! Betul cakap tukang kebun tu, ayat tu nampak je simple tapi penting. Hargailah hidup anda. Satu tindakan mampu menghancurkan hidup sekelip mata dan selama-lamanya, walaubagaimanapun walau apa pun (panjangnya huahua) yang terjadi harungilah dengan segenap kekuatan kerana hanya Tuhan yang tahu segala-galanya yang akan terjadi. Walau jatuh tersungkur ke dalam kerak bumi sekalipun pastikan cari balik semangat anda tak kira lah berapa lama nak dapatkan balik. There is always something in this life for everyone. Oklah, walaupun dh nak kul 10 pagi tapi nenek aku paksa aku tido balik ni. Katanya selagi tak pukul 3 petang selagi tu la jangan bangun!!! Haha jual nama nenek lak, just kidding..... (Merangkak balik lam selimut ala siput)

Merciless Sea

The black water churns around swallowing everything in sight and having little mercy.
I am lost in the midst of sucking waves in what i perceive as the sea.
Can neither swim nor fly, i am nearly sinking.
Nobody came, nobody's voices i can hear, nobody's around floating.
This is a dream. This is nearly not a dream. This feels like real.
Panic came and took my hand while i reach for the safety of nothing.
Is it the time to give up my life?
Not to such lowly situation, no? Without even a fight?
I have the will to fight, but not the path-illuminating light so that in itself makes nothing right.
Hope cried its last tears as it clung tightly to the deepest root in my soul and i myself cried what felt like my last tears in seeking the faith that had been snatched away by the merciless sea.
 
Bright is the dark future and dark is me.
How i wish to kill the unforgiving sea to stop it from imposing such helplessness! 
But here i am. Tossed about listlessly, silently, angrily.
Yes, it's raining and the storm is coming.
The perfect nightmare, without sharks, with killer whales from Moby Dick.
What will i find under the sea not with my bare hands but with my bare skeleton?
Many things, but of course, i would be just another ghostly victim wandering around, despairing and torn.
Cursed  to not being able to see another like me, doomed to haunt forever alone.
 
Merciless sea, you continues to swallow another soul and another, and another in greed.
Never to be satisfied. But you will be beaten.
When you fail, the last laughter will be mine and by the likes of me the victory ground will be walked upon.
Though you take me now, the fire of revenge burns eternal.
Merciless sea, i will haunt in comfort, knowing that you will never rest easy.
We might be each other's shadow, but you'll be a hundred steps behind me.
I'm your creator, after all. 

*****************************************

Air yang hitam bergelora menelan  segala tanpa belas kasihan.

Laut menebarkan ombaknya membuat aku hilang arah dan kelemasan.

Aku semakin tenggelam... tiada dayaku untuk berenang, apatah lagi terbang.

Tidak seorang pun datang, tidak satu suara pun yang ku dengar, juga tidak ada walau satu tubuh pun yang dihanyut ombak di sini

Ini adalah satu mimpi! Ini hampir-hampir bukan satu mimpi. Tapi aku merasakan seolah ini semua adalah satu realiti. 

Cemas datang menyambutku tatkala aku teraba-raba dalam kegelapan, menjangkaukan tanganku mencari keselamatan.

Sudah tibakah masanya untuk aku menyerah kalah pada kematian?

Tidak semudah itu kan, tidak tanpa berjuang kan?

Hanya semangat yang menyala masih tidak mampu menerangi jalan dan menunjuk arah

Sumbu harapan menitiskan air mata terakhirnya saat ia cuba bertahan dalam kalbu dan aku juga menitiskan apa yang ku kira mungkin air mata terakhirku dalam pencarian untuk kekuatan

Kekuatan untuk terus percaya

Kekuatan yang telah dirampas dari aku oleh lautan ini yang tidak memiliki walau setitik belas pun

Maka malaplah cahaya dalam diriku, dan bersinarlah pula masa depan yang kelam itu

Membuat aku begitu ingin membunuh lautan celaka yang begitu berkuasa saat ini

Tapi aku terus dilambung ombak, tidak mampu bersuara melaungkan kemarahan dalam hati

Hujan menerpa mendahului ribut, membina mimpi ngeri yang sempurna untukku

Apakah yang akan tulang temulang ku temui bila tubuhku mereput di lantai lautan ini nanti?

Mungkin, macam-macam.

Tapi aku cuma akan jadi satu jiwa kosong yang merayau dalam keputusasaan

Dibelenggu sumpahan yang tidak memungkinkan aku menemui jiwa lain sepertiku lagi, dan menghantui kuburan gelap ini keseorangan.

Wahai lautan yang kejam! Dengan ketamakan mu kau telan satu demi satu jiwa yang kasihan.

Memang engkau tidak pernah puas.

Tapi akan datang satu hari di mana kekalahan mu datang menuntut haknya.

Bila kau tersembam nanti, kemenangan itulah yang akan jadi milik aku dan jiwa-jiwa seperti aku.

Di bumi ini kami akan kembali bebas!

Aku terpenjara dalam perutmu sekarang, namun api dendam tidak akan pernah berhenti membakar

Aku selesa menunggu saat itu di sini, kerana aku tahu engkau laut yang takkan mampu tenang

Kita adalah bayang-bayang masing-masing, tapi kau akan sentiasa berada seratus langkah di belakangku

Kerana kau ada hanya dengan adanya aku.